43 Secrets Happy Couples Swear By To Keep Their Relationships Strong

“Happy couples work as a team,” says Kelley Kitley, L.C.S.W and founder of Serendipitous Psychotherapy. “They don’t sweat the small stuff, like who loaded the dishwasher yesterday and who made more money this month. They have a common goal and understanding of working together to live their best lives possible.”

“At bedtime, we each share what our three best memories are from the day and one thing that we are grateful for,” shares Echo, G., married 35 years. “We also sleep holding hands."

Cuddling really can make your relationship better. Researchers from the University of Hertfordshire found that 94 percent of couples who touched or nearly touched while sleeping reported being happy in their relationship while only 68 percent of couples who had more distant sleeping habits reported the same satisfaction. Time to get cozy.

It doesn’t always have to be about the sex. “Many couples are too busy to touch or feel that if they do it will lead them to sex. And if they don’t have time to get physical, they don't touch,” says Irina Firstein, L.C.S.W., a Manhattan-based couples therapist. “This is a huge mistake. Touching is part of broad-based eroticism and does not have to be goal oriented, but rather a playful act between partners.” Time to revisit the good old days of makeout sessions.

When you're already running late, it’s easy to yell a quick goodbye and bolt out the door. But happy couples take a second to slow their roll, says Firstein. “Stop what you are doing when your partner leaves or returns and look at them, greet them, and give each other an embrace—the kind where you relax your bodies into one another's. This promotes and strengthens feelings of affection and connection,” she says. “It makes the other feel loved and important.”

“After 20 years of marriage, it's as much about the everyday tiny things as it is the grand gestures—if not more so," said Dana M. “Almost every night, we have ice cream or frozen yogurt treats. It's a little thing to see who volunteers to go downstairs and to the back of our big old house to the freezer to get them each night. Partway through whatever we’re watching that evening, one of us will ask, ‘Did you say something about popsicles?’ and the other will make the trek downstairs to the freezer where we keep a stock of frozen treats and grab a surprise for the other. We settle in on the couch with our popsicles and our pups and just enjoy the downtime together.”

“Let go of privacy. I'm not talking about using the restroom with the door wide open, but rather being completely transparent with your mate,” says Shawnda Patterson, relationship coach and author of The Dating Game. “Unless your mate has given you a valid reason to doubt their loyalty, trust that there are no secrets between you. True intimacy has no secrets.”

“Every night we cook dinner together—or at least keep one another company while the other cooks,” says Ashley W., married for 16 years. “When one of us gets home, the other always fixes the other a drink (usually not alcoholic, could just be sparkling water with lemon!) and for some reason that always feels like a nice way to start the evening.”

When you’re pissed at your partner, it’s hard to remember to listen to their side of things. But this is a surefire way to breed miscommunication, says Wendy Walsh, Ph.D. and author of The 30-Day Love Detox. “The person who is not being heard will find somebody to listen,” says Walsh. “And that person will be either a lover or a lawyer."

“Our weekday evening habits are to watch the evening news with a plate of olives and other noshes then have dinner,” says Lisa D., married for six years. “Afterward, we watch TV. I love our binges! It still feels like a real treat to sit and watch and snuggle.”

“Happy couples give no credence to the stereotypical putdowns of husbands and wives that are often featured in pop culture. They love each other and don’t seek to belittle, disrespect, or poke fun at each other like they may see on TV or film,” says Shlomo Slatkin, licensed clinical therapist, and founder of TheMarriageRestorationProject.com “If you’re not already aware of how common it is for marriage to be the brunt of many jokes, begin to notice the subtle and not so subtle messages about marriage you may be viewing on a daily basis.”

Start your week by syncing up on what each of you has on deck, suggests Eli Finkel, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois, and author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. Here’s why: if you’re spending your week pissed because your partner isn’t carrying his or her weight around the house, having this convo can prevent you from wrongly chalking it up as a personality defect, says Finkel.

“When schedules get busy and we are coming home and eating at different times, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of launching into tasks,” says Naomi F., married for a year. “These bills need to get paid, this mail needs to get sorted, these dishes need to be washed. We try to make sure that some together time is also on the agenda.”

“We usually go to bed at the same time, but on the nights we don't, the person staying up always tucks the other in,” says Kelli B., married for a year. “It sounds really silly, but it's something sweet and simple we do for each other. It helps us connect—especially when we’re both swamped with work.”

“I never really understood the concept of having regular 'date nights' after marriage but now I totally get it! Going out really encourages conversation and forces you to relax and just spend time together in a way you don't when you're sitting around at home,” explains Zara H., married for a year.

According to one study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, nostalgia makes you more hopeful for the future; in other words, revisiting the past can be an erotic way to strengthen your bond in the present and build a brighter future.

"One night, we decided to forgo the PJs and cuddle close in the nude when we went to sleep,” says Stephanie P. It "brings out a feeling of complete freedom for both of us. There's nothing better than using the warmth of each other to cuddle. Plus, it's a great way to wake up in the morning!"

"By going through couples counseling before getting married, my husband and I learned so much about each other, like how we communicate, how we show love, what we need to feel love, and how our histories have affected the relationship the two of us have created today,” says Samantha L. “We became so much closer because of it. I've actually never felt closer to him than I did when we were going through the class together—and both of us think it was the smartest decision we've ever made."

Happy couples are totally comfortable doing nothing together, says Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D., and author of the couples’ book, Why Can’t You Read My Mind. “Couples who fear slowing down don't have the ability to be as mindful and appreciative of being in the moment as those who are open to going at a slower speed,” he says. Consider this your excuse to stay in together for some much-needed down time this weekend.

"When you can have sex any time, there's less of an urgency to make it happen,” explains Natalie L. “But sex is the glue that holds us together. It's the difference between the connection I have with my partner and the other people in my life I don't have sex with. We keep scheduling sex because if we don't commit to it the spark won't stay lit."