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Maybe It's You: Cut the Crap. Face Your Fears. Love Your Life.
Maybe It's You picks up where You Are a Badass leaves off -- this no-nonsense, practical manual to help readers figure out not just what they want out of life, but how to actually get there.
In Maybe It's You , life coach Lauren Handel Zander walks readers through the innovative step-by-step process that has transformed the lives of tens of thousands of her clients, and explains how anyone can achieve amazing things when we stop lying and finally start keeping the promises we make to ourselves. Whether readers want to find love, succeed at work, fix a fractured relationship, or lose weight, Zander's method will offer a road map to finally get there. Filled with practical exercises, inspiring client stories, and Lauren's own hard-won lessons, this book enables readers to identify, articulate, and account for their own setbacks so they can transform them into strengths.
In Maybe It's You , life coach Lauren Handel Zander walks readers through the innovative step-by-step process that has transformed the lives of tens of thousands of her clients, and explains how anyone can achieve amazing things when we stop lying and finally start keeping the promises we make to ourselves. Whether readers want to find love, succeed at work, fix a fractured relationship, or lose weight, Zander's method will offer a road map to finally get there. Filled with practical exercises, inspiring client stories, and Lauren's own hard-won lessons, this book enables readers to identify, articulate, and account for their own setbacks so they can transform them into strengths.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published April 4, 2017
About the author
Lauren Handel Zander
3 books42 followersLauren Zander is the author of
Maybe It’s You: Cut the Crap, Face Your Fears, Love Your Life
(Published by Hachette Book Group, April 2017). She is a life coach, university lecturer, public speaker, and the Co-Founder and Chairwoman of Handel Group®, an international coaching company based in New York City. She has spent over 20 years coaching thousands of private and corporate clients from around the world.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 87 reviews
Shelved as 'did-not-finish'
August 23, 2017It might be me. One of my problems might be that I don't care enough to finish this book.
December 26, 2017
I decided to give this book a higher star rating but a more critical review. Basically I think the general advice of this book is sound and motivating. Particularly the dream exercises in the beginning and the importance of keeping promises to yourself. However, I consistently skipped over any parts of the book where the author provided her own little short story or those of her clients. I just wasn’t interested and it was not effective. Overall, I think if someone approaches this book with the ‘take what resonates and leave what doesn’t’ mentality, he/she/they will be challenged and improved! You do NOT need to read this book cover to cover.
April 16, 2018
Self-help book that has some very good and insightful parts and some parts that are just plain bad advice. I was attracted to the idea that many of the problems we are suffering with are at least part our own fault and the author explores these ideas quite well. I also liked the way she suggested we focus on some specific actions and on rating our lives in various areas. I think there is good value in writing about these different areas of our lives and then writing exactly how they want them to be. She suggests using punishments as a consequence for not doing things we need to do, but doesn't mention this kind of thing doesn't work for everyone-some people respond better to rewards.
Now some things I didn't like: the author has some kind of obsession with sex and not only gives intimate details about her own sex life but suggests things like giving blow jobs or agreeing to sex as consequences for not following through on things you need to do (like exercising, sending out resumes etc). I find this kind of appalling. If you do not want to willingly have sex with your partner or husband, then you need to explore that-not use it as punishment.
She also has a section in which she tells you to write down every lie you have ever told in your life and then contact the people involved and confess. Honestly, what good could this possibly do? Most of use cannot remember every lie ever told and what could it help to tell your ten your old you lied when you said their father was on a business meeting; he was really with his mistress in a motel. Or to tell your boss you lied when you said you liked their idea, or tell your best friend you lied about liking their husband or their dog? Of course we should all be honest, but not at that kind of expense. Their is also a part about telling your spouse/partner every detail about your sexual history and again-why? I don't want to know the details about every girl my husband every slept with before me and he doesn't want to know those details about me.
So to sum up, some really good ideas here and some really bad ones.
Now some things I didn't like: the author has some kind of obsession with sex and not only gives intimate details about her own sex life but suggests things like giving blow jobs or agreeing to sex as consequences for not following through on things you need to do (like exercising, sending out resumes etc). I find this kind of appalling. If you do not want to willingly have sex with your partner or husband, then you need to explore that-not use it as punishment.
She also has a section in which she tells you to write down every lie you have ever told in your life and then contact the people involved and confess. Honestly, what good could this possibly do? Most of use cannot remember every lie ever told and what could it help to tell your ten your old you lied when you said their father was on a business meeting; he was really with his mistress in a motel. Or to tell your boss you lied when you said you liked their idea, or tell your best friend you lied about liking their husband or their dog? Of course we should all be honest, but not at that kind of expense. Their is also a part about telling your spouse/partner every detail about your sexual history and again-why? I don't want to know the details about every girl my husband every slept with before me and he doesn't want to know those details about me.
So to sum up, some really good ideas here and some really bad ones.
February 13, 2017
As a self-help genre junkie, I can safely say this book stood out from the crowd. Lauren is a funny, big-hearted, and BRASH life coach who doesn't hold back any punches in her quest to get her readers happy. The method in the book is different (read: takes courage) but is resolutely straightforward and includes stories from people who have found real, lasting happiness in all areas of life. If you're willing to do the work, this method will help you live the life you've always wanted.
May 12, 2017
I really wanted to like this book. In the end, I just had too much of an undercurrent of mean girls and Cosmo magazine. Also, little to no inclusion or regard for behavioral science, spirituality, or kindness in general. Of course, this is merely my opinion - maybe it's me.
August 16, 2018
I really appreciated most of the sentiments, though I’d caution anyone who recently has been sexually harassed (or assaulted or been involved in sexual misconduct or otherwise identifying as #metoo) as this book makes no mistake that victimization is BS, which....is incredibly and painfully triggering for anyone in the aforementioned category (🙋🏼♀️).
That aside, it’s a great mechanism and toolkit created to welcome consensual intimacy into a variety of relationships, including partners, family, and the workplace.
That aside, it’s a great mechanism and toolkit created to welcome consensual intimacy into a variety of relationships, including partners, family, and the workplace.
December 15, 2018
I have worked with a Handel coach for a while now and love her and the method. I did not, however, love this book. It piles heaps of work from the outset and felt very overwhelming. For me, it also came across as a little preachy - like they had found the answer. I think life and change and redesigning your life are just a lot messier than presented here.
October 28, 2017
Fantastic. Highly recommend.
September 22, 2017
'Maybe It's you' is written by Lauren Handel-Zander, an author who actually has the balls to blame you for your life.
Bad parents? bad boss? Bad boss? They all have a common demoninator. YOU!
Like most American self help gurus, Handel takes 2 chapters to tell you why you should read this book and how it will change your life! Hate it when they do that, and I've read enough of these types of books to know it's a very - boring - American thing to do.
Handels, book is a bit different to most goal aspiring books. Instead of telling you how to get there by doing this and that. She provides you advice to clean up your life and achieve your dreams by looking into your self.
Not sure if I agree with constantly calling parts of your subconscious a chicken or a brat, but the chapters on addressing lies, forgiveness and hauntings were pretty good. Heck, she even knows a few things about long-term relationship advice.
Take this book with a grain of salt or as a self healing bible. Up to you. Personally, I skimmed through some parts but actively read 75% of it.
Also throughly recommend doing the writing exercises. Even if you don't share them with your beloveds like she suggests. It's very stress relieving and calming.
REASON FOR 3 STARS?
- A five star self help book needs to make me rethink my life! This book isn't life changing but it had a few good pointers in the quest of self development.
- Actually finished it. I don't have much patience for self help books.
- Got a bit boring in some sections.
- Lauren does have a firey personality but she is still just another American overenthusiastic, overcompensating self help guru, in my books.
Bad parents? bad boss? Bad boss? They all have a common demoninator. YOU!
Like most American self help gurus, Handel takes 2 chapters to tell you why you should read this book and how it will change your life! Hate it when they do that, and I've read enough of these types of books to know it's a very - boring - American thing to do.
Handels, book is a bit different to most goal aspiring books. Instead of telling you how to get there by doing this and that. She provides you advice to clean up your life and achieve your dreams by looking into your self.
Not sure if I agree with constantly calling parts of your subconscious a chicken or a brat, but the chapters on addressing lies, forgiveness and hauntings were pretty good. Heck, she even knows a few things about long-term relationship advice.
Take this book with a grain of salt or as a self healing bible. Up to you. Personally, I skimmed through some parts but actively read 75% of it.
Also throughly recommend doing the writing exercises. Even if you don't share them with your beloveds like she suggests. It's very stress relieving and calming.
REASON FOR 3 STARS?
- A five star self help book needs to make me rethink my life! This book isn't life changing but it had a few good pointers in the quest of self development.
- Actually finished it. I don't have much patience for self help books.
- Got a bit boring in some sections.
- Lauren does have a firey personality but she is still just another American overenthusiastic, overcompensating self help guru, in my books.
August 31, 2017
Took one of Lauren Zander's classes when I was in college and loved it. It spurred me to make significant changes personally. At the time, I remember asking her to write a book and she was vehement that it wasn't time. I'm glad it became time because the techniques she describes in this book are gifts to the world. My only complaint is about the writing style; it's got a lot of puns and as much as I like a good pun, I found the sheer number a little distracting. Overall, though, I recommend it.
April 14, 2019
I think I need to stop reading books in the self-help genre. This book did not captivate me. It didn’t even get me in ways that many other self-help books have, where I nodded and said, “yes, of course,” to myself. I understand the perspective, but the explanations just didn’t speak to me at all. There was too much about skeletons and betrayal and self-guilt. I understand the point is to see how I affect my life and problems. It’s not this book, it’s my reading of this book.
January 22, 2019
Had to take a few breaks reading this one. Lauren forces us to look deep within self and then we realize that hell yeah, maybe it is me. Maybe I do have more responsibility in these situations that I thought I didn't have. I way more control than I thought I did. I can change and stop things in its path. Thank you Lauren! I will forever come back to this book and the notes I wrote. Thank you thank you thank you! I am happier and freer. I am more open to life's changes than I ever have been. I was finally able to take some weight off (some because I'm still looking that that damn mirror) and release myself of those feelings.
April 14, 2019
This took me a couple of months to work through as it calls for lots of action. It really has you probing inside and finding answers and asking questions. One part - sorry I don't remember which - my friend and I were like 'ew' and questioned whether it was a book to continue with. I did, after a little break, because of the insights I'd received in the beginning. I did have to distance myself a little from the brashness of the writing.
September 24, 2019
This book changed my life and gave me a clear understanding of what I needed to let go of in order to invite what I want, in. I have never felt more like me, or been as happy to me. A word before reading - if you decide to take on this book, do it with honesty and compassion for yourself. The more honest you can be, the more you will benefit from it. And don’t be too hard on yourself, just expect better from yourself from here on out.
November 7, 2020
Loved this book! It definitely takes a lot of personal work to truly complete the exercises, but Lauren warns you of that upfront. Read this book a few years ago and really focused on the areas of life I was looking to redesign and realign. Highly recommend it for anyone who loves to sit down with themselves and dream about exactly what is missing from life and how to shape a game plan to make those dreams a reality. When you need to call yourself out, this book is it!
November 9, 2019
One of the best books ever !! I knew i wanna read this book when i watched the episode of Lauren Handel Zander with Tom Bilyeu ! This woman is a genius, but to be totally honest i was really scared to read this book ! It dig really deep inside you !
This book is a must read for everybody in this world!!
This book is a must read for everybody in this world!!
March 10, 2019
The Handel Method was very effective in realizing dreams, finding reality, and pinpointing behaviors that hinder our progress. You only need to want more from life for this methodology to serve you well.
November 13, 2019
5 stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
One of the most (actually) helpful self-help books I've ever read!! Such great advice for self reflection and honesty. So much to glean from her even if you don't follow the program all the way through.
One of the most (actually) helpful self-help books I've ever read!! Such great advice for self reflection and honesty. So much to glean from her even if you don't follow the program all the way through.
July 1, 2020
Life transforming book, gets us to the roots of the sufferings and how we get affected in life by living in the past and automatically trapped into a pattern .
March 3, 2022
I fell kind of in the middle on this one. I love self help books and I love the concept of this book, however there were some cringy parts in there for me and I can't really explain it. This just isn't one of my favorites.
July 26, 2020
This book is small but mighty. This is not a self-help one off you just read over a weekend to make yourself feel like you're actually doing something to improve your life. To get the most from this book, treat it like a workbook and take your time. Savor each chapter as if you are eating a life-changing meal that is so delicious it changes your perspective on reality forever. If you're thinking "What?! It's going to take deep contemplation and work to change my life" then skip this book entirely! It contains actual real-world assignments that will help you get down and dirty with your lies, your fears, your relationships, and you inner frenemy. If you are ready to make peace with your past and befriend your true freak, then get to reading and make sure you have a journal nearby. It's going to be a long and incredibly worthwhile journey. P.S.- don't cut corners! I see you, already trying to convince yourself you are a better person just for buying the book but scheming up ways you can "do enough" of it to say you tried and then months later use the book as fuel for your "hopeless" fire. You are not hopeless, your life is not hopeless. Now get after it!
I found this book through Tom Bilyeu's episode of Impact Theory, "Don't B.S. Yourself. Crush the chicken voice in your head and get real" featuring Lauren. It was an awesome episode and it makes for a motivating introduction to the book: https://youtu.be/LcskACdYUys
I found this book through Tom Bilyeu's episode of Impact Theory, "Don't B.S. Yourself. Crush the chicken voice in your head and get real" featuring Lauren. It was an awesome episode and it makes for a motivating introduction to the book: https://youtu.be/LcskACdYUys
August 17, 2019
This book is unique in that is pulls no punches and provides a clear roadmap to getting out of your own way. The book provides deep reflection exercises in each chapter, aimed at taking a hard look at habits, barriers, and ways to atone to loved ones and friends. I'd recommend this book if you are ready to stop lying to yourself about your flaws and hang ups and take responsibility for your own happiness. Word of caution, the homework is heavy and there is a lot of it. I recommend using this book in consultation of a therapist or mental health professional if you have past traumas to work through, particularly if you have complex trauma.
May 13, 2020
Not sure if I would've found this less obnoxious if I had read rather than listened to the audio book. Maybe only marginally. I read this book as two friends I respect dearly attribute a lot of positive changes to the Handel Group (the life coaching organization founded by the author, Lauren Handel). Be that as it may, it did not resonate for me. Maybe I like my life coaching like I like my workouts; positive, uplifting and encouraging rather than that mean PT who screams at you to do one more rep, you fat pig. I'm all for personal accountability but felt this took that principle too far.
March 9, 2018
4.5-5/5 stars. Very practical, achievable advice. Not everything was beneficial for me but could be for others. What I couldn't wrap my head around though were terms like "chicken, brat, weather reporter and barking directions". I felt like that terminology kind of trivialized the issues. Might work for some.
June 23, 2020
I liked the book to start with!
It just has so many exercises for the reader to do that I personally got more hung up on those then the actual wanting to read the book. I love self help books but this one just wasn’t high for me. I was able to take some things away and reflect it on my daily life but the book was not what I expected. However that’s just me. Could be very helpful to others.
It just has so many exercises for the reader to do that I personally got more hung up on those then the actual wanting to read the book. I love self help books but this one just wasn’t high for me. I was able to take some things away and reflect it on my daily life but the book was not what I expected. However that’s just me. Could be very helpful to others.
November 15, 2018
Interesting read but didn't like all the exercises.
June 19, 2020
Like many a book promising you a confrontation with uncomfortable truth, this one also paints quite a bleak picture of humanity.
Everyone is a cheat. Everyone hides hugely important things from their partner. Everyone is inconsolably and irrevocably mad at their parents and is on the brink of divorce.
And like all other books telling me that, I couldn't help but roll my eyes multiple times. I confess, I even SKIMMED a few times- especially the last two chapters, and where it started losing me was somewhere around page 100. (Hence the almost two month reading time, of which I am only slightly ashamed.)
Lauren Zander is a quirky, charming person, and I'm sure if I were to meet her, the charm and the humor would absolutely come through. But this book commits what I consider to be one of -if not the- greatest sins a "self help" type book can: it infantilized its reader. It's up there with generalizing and the minimalizing and borderline excusing of genuinely toxic behavior (like, again, cheating in every relationship one has ever had, purposeful hypochondria for nothing but attention, or having a secret shipping address just to hide one's toxic shopping habit????) by kind-of-sort-of-not-really-but-still blaming every dirtbag's parents.
The actual point of it all, the little pearl of truth, got kind of lost under the quirky nicknames, the passing of genuinely weird and awful things off as normal and #relatable, and the cutesy armchair psychology.
Everyone is a cheat. Everyone hides hugely important things from their partner. Everyone is inconsolably and irrevocably mad at their parents and is on the brink of divorce.
And like all other books telling me that, I couldn't help but roll my eyes multiple times. I confess, I even SKIMMED a few times- especially the last two chapters, and where it started losing me was somewhere around page 100. (Hence the almost two month reading time, of which I am only slightly ashamed.)
Lauren Zander is a quirky, charming person, and I'm sure if I were to meet her, the charm and the humor would absolutely come through. But this book commits what I consider to be one of -if not the- greatest sins a "self help" type book can: it infantilized its reader. It's up there with generalizing and the minimalizing and borderline excusing of genuinely toxic behavior (like, again, cheating in every relationship one has ever had, purposeful hypochondria for nothing but attention, or having a secret shipping address just to hide one's toxic shopping habit????) by kind-of-sort-of-not-really-but-still blaming every dirtbag's parents.
The actual point of it all, the little pearl of truth, got kind of lost under the quirky nicknames, the passing of genuinely weird and awful things off as normal and #relatable, and the cutesy armchair psychology.
October 27, 2020
CRAZY! FUN (but not for the assignments it’s gave me headache)! This book is about how to clean your garbage and throw your chains which slowing down your world out of this life! It’s maybe you who dragging your life and who don’t want to change, to move forward nor to reach your own dreams. Wow! Speechless! This book is great. It’s feel like I read my whole study of psychology in one book (with a simple, better, and “crazy” way). The more I read more I know this book really a good mate to conquer my bad self. Seriously very recommended! But please don’t blame me if you get headache when you read it. And don’t curse moreover don’t stop to read and finish the assignment (I already warned you *wink*). Reread?! Of courseeeeee! 10 of 5! Pardon my judgment but it’s the truth from the bottom of my heart ❤️ 😘
P.S: I thought I can’t finish this book (not in this month nor in this year), but how Lauren told the “craps” and the inside stories do really made me curious and tried my best to survive and finish this book (don’t ask how I faced the assignments, the truth is I only done some parts of the assignments but it’s already gave so powerful impact to me). No kidding, this book is dangerous, at the first you will like to stop but when you can finish the first assignment, you will see it’s gonna be a dangerous but great journey to your dreams! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
P.S: I thought I can’t finish this book (not in this month nor in this year), but how Lauren told the “craps” and the inside stories do really made me curious and tried my best to survive and finish this book (don’t ask how I faced the assignments, the truth is I only done some parts of the assignments but it’s already gave so powerful impact to me). No kidding, this book is dangerous, at the first you will like to stop but when you can finish the first assignment, you will see it’s gonna be a dangerous but great journey to your dreams! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
April 7, 2023
I mean, there is for sure something to this book, but the author has a real obsession with lying and thinks that all our problems stem from not being constantly honest with everyone all the time... And she gives great examples of honesty bringing people closer together, but she goes a little over the top with it. I'm a very honest person, I need honesty in others, but even I thought this lady maybe crosses a line. Like, it's not going to hurt anyone if you lie to be kind at times. She makes it sound like each white lie is burning a hole in your soul. Nope! Maybe we all have secrets that we would do better to share, or things we should get off our chests, but we don't have to tell our best friend, you know, you really have gotten fat. Or, that dress really doesn't look good on you since you've gained so much weight. Like, it's ok not to say everything that's true.
But there is still some truth to much of this book. It may even be worth reading. It did make me think about what things I could do to get over my shit a little bit more.
But there is still some truth to much of this book. It may even be worth reading. It did make me think about what things I could do to get over my shit a little bit more.
March 28, 2024
This book is problematic to say the least. Like other reviewers, I agree that the message is oversimplified but would like to add that it’s harmful if one is not vigilant. Particularly for those who have experienced/are experiencing trauma, this absolutely is not the book for you as it will likely exacerbated the parts of you that took responsibility and accountability for abuse. The exercises that the author guides you through are eye opening but directed toward goals that are often external, as if personal fulfillment is always external. As such the entire premise of the book and program rests on one’s dissatisfaction, shame, and how one has the agency to change their lives in 12 areas as defined by the author. It is overwhelming and ultimately severe misguidance to those who are looking for help who have trauma. The overall message about accountability is fine. The writing, the lack of attention to nuance in the human experience, and lack of nuance and room for compassion in the design of the exercises are not.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 87 reviews